Deadpan Greeting Cards

Challenge them to open these premium greeting cards without cracking a smile!

All of our cards are printed on thick 324gsm paper and can be personalised with an internal message and send direct.

Our cards cover a wide range of occasions - Christmas, Birthday, Congratulations, New Baby, Thank You, Sympathy & Grievance, Wedding, Leaving, Christmas, Mother and Father's Day and much more!

I'm No Cactus Expert But I Know A Prick When I See One Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Deadpan Cactus Pun Greeting Card, You're A Prick Cactus Card

I'm No Cactus Expert But I Know A Prick When I See One Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Blame Your Parents Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Deadpan Greeting Card, Bad Parents Joke, I Blame The Parents, Monochrome, Black And White

I Blame Your Parents Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Your Gene Pool Could Use Some Chlorine Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Deadpan Greeting Card, Bad Genes Joke, Monochrome, Black And White

Your Gene Pool Could Use Some Chlorine Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
I Would Tell You To Eat Shit But I Know You're Not Into Cannibalism Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Profanity, Deadpan Greeting Card, You're Shit

I Would Tell You To Eat Shit But I Know You're Not Into Cannibalism Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right It's A Shame Nobody Told Your Parents Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Deadpan Greeting Card For Second Child, Sibling

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right It's A Shame Nobody Told Your Parents Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
If I Throw A Stick Will You Leave? Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Dog Joke Deadpan Greeting Card, Frenemy, You Dog Card, Banter, Want You To Leave

If I Throw A Stick Will You Leave? Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
If Uncles Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Uncle, Nose Picking Joke, I Choose You, Love You Uncle Card

If Uncles Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
If Aunties Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Aunt, Nose Picking Joke, I Choose You, Love You Aunty Card

If Aunties Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
If Dads Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card | Deadpan Father's Day Card For Dad, Birthday Card For Dad, Nose Picking Joke, I Choose You

If Dads Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Alexa Send Mum A Mother's Day Card Greeting Card | Deadpan Alexa Joke Mother's Day Card, Unenthusiastic Mother's Day Card, Lazy, Technology

Alexa Send Mum A Mother's Day Card Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Alexa Send Dad A Father's Day Card Greeting Card | Deadpan Alexa Joke Father's Day Card, Unenthusiastic Father's Day Card, Lazy, Technology

Alexa Send Dad A Father's Day Card Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Well This Is A Fucking Shit Birthday Greeting Card | Deadpan Lockdown Birthday Card, Crap Birthday, Can't Celebrate, Monochrome, Profanity

Well This Is A Fucking Shit Birthday Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Of All The Weirdos On Grindr You're My Favourite Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Partner, Met On Grindr, LGBTQ+ Dating App

Of All The Weirdos On Grindr You're My Favourite Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
There's Nobody Else I'd Rather Sit On My Phone With Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband Or Wife

There's Nobody Else I'd Rather Sit On My Phone With Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Birthday P.S Please Stop Wearing Fake Tan In Bed Greeting Card | Deadpan, Dry Humour Birthday Card For Her, Fake Tan Wearer, Orange Sheets

Happy Birthday P.S Please Stop Wearing Fake Tan In Bed Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99
Having Small Boobs Doesn't Mean You Can Overcompensate By Being A Massive Tit! Greeting Card | Deadpan, Funny Card For Her, Small Breasts Joke

Having Small Boobs Doesn't Mean You Can Overcompensate By Being A Massive Tit! Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Having A Small Penis Doesn't Mean You Can Overcompensate By Being A Huge Dick! Greeting Card | Deadpan, Funny Card For Him, Small Dick Energy Joke

Having A Small Penis Doesn't Mean You Can Overcompensate By Being A Huge Dick! Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Your Knob Still Does The Job Happy Valentine's Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Valentine's Card For Husband, Boyfriend, Penis Still Works, Dick Joke

Your Knob Still Does The Job Happy Valentine's Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Have A Fucking Spectacular Divorce Greeting Card | Deadpan Divorce Card, Dry Humour Break-Up Card, Monochrome, Sympathy

Have A Fucking Spectacular Divorce Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Congratulations, You've Ruined Your Life Greeting Card | Funny New Baby Card, New Parents, Wedding Card, Just Gave Birth, Congratulations, Just Married

Congratulations, You've Ruined Your Life Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Let Us Fuck Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Let's Have Sex, Profanity, Blunt

Let Us Fuck Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Hate The Sound Of Your Breathing Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Husband, Wife, Contempt

I Hate The Sound Of Your Breathing Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Sometimes, I Wonder What It Would Be Like If You Were Dead Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Husband, Wife, Contempt

Sometimes, I Wonder What It Would Be Like If You Were Dead Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Let's Get Fat Together Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Love Card, Over Eat Together

Let's Get Fat Together Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Hate You The Least Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Him, Her, Love Card, hate Everyone But You

I Hate You The Least Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
It's About Time You Shuffled Off Now, Old Timer Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Grandparent, Parent, Sibling, Getting Old, Old Age Joke

It's About Time You Shuffled Off Now, Old Timer Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Be Kind To Yourself Today Have A Wank Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Self Care, Masturbation, Look After Yourself

Be Kind To Yourself Today Have A Wank Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
'Dad Bods' Only Work If You Were Good Looking In The First Place Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card For Him, Dad Bod Joke, Let Yourself Go

'Dad Bods' Only Work If You Were Good Looking In The First Place Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
You Fucking Mug Greeting Card | Funny Sympathy Card, Sorry Card, Lost Job, Break Up, Gullible, Divorce, Slang, Sucker, Fool

You Fucking Mug Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
You're Not A Hipster You're A Beard With An Idiot Hanging Off It Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Hipster Joke, Edgy

You're Not A Hipster You're A Beard With An Idiot Hanging Off It Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Let's Get Drunk And Eat Ourselves Into A Coma Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Friend, Congratulations, Celebration, Over Eat, Let's Party

Let's Get Drunk And Eat Ourselves Into A Coma Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
May Your Furlough Be Long And Vegetative Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Lockdown, At Home, Vegatative State, Boredom

May Your Furlough Be Long And Vegetative Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
You Don't Half Talk Some Bullshit Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Profanity Card, Chat Shit, Compulsive Lier, Chatting Shit

You Don't Half Talk Some Bullshit Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
They Say 'If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say, Don't Say Anything At All'...Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Mean, Rude Monochrome Card

They Say 'If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say, Don't Say Anything At All'... Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
Maybe We Should Just Stay Socially Distanced Forever Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Stay Away, Sarcasm I Miss You Card

Maybe We Should Just Stay Socially Distanced Forever Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99
I Haven't Missed You Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Stay Away, Sarcasm I Miss You Card

I Haven't Missed You Greeting Card

from £3.99

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from £3.99