Deadpan Gifts

We challenge you to gift these items without cracking a smile. Lemon Loco offers a wide range of deadpan gifts, ranging from Mugs, Coasters, Magnets, Stickers, Notebooks, Cushions, Journals, Towels, Tote Bags & Aprons.

We also offer a collection of premium deadpan greeting cards which can be personalised and sent direct at no extra cost. Browse now to find your perfect gift today!

Happy Birthday You Dick Greeting Card | Funny Insult Birthday Card For Friend, Sibling, Boyfriend Or Girlfriend, Deadpan Profanity Birthday Card

Happy Birthday You Dick Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You Have Been A Satisfactory Colleague Greeting Card | Deadpan You're Leaving Card For Colleague, Coworker, Funny Retirement Card, New Job

You Have Been A Satisfactory Colleague Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Nothing Says Happy Birthday Like A Folded Piece Of Card Greeting Card | Funny Birthday Card For Friend, Her, Him, Family, Deadpan Birthday Card

Nothing Says Happy Birthday Like A Folded Piece Of Card Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You Look Like Something I Drew With My Left Hand Greeting Card | Deadpan Ugly Joke Card For Partner, Husband, Wife, Girlfriend, Boyfriend or Friend

You Look Like Something I Drew With My Left Hand Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Hope You Choke On All The Shit You Talk Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Profanity Card, Chat Shit, Compulsive Lier, Chatting Shit, Mean Card

I Hope You Choke On All The Shit You Talk Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
If I Agreed With You We'd Both Be Wrong Greeting Card | Joke, Deadpan You're Wrong Greeting Card, Disagreement, You're Not Right, Agree To Disagree

If I Agreed With You We'd Both Be Wrong Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I'm No Cactus Expert But I Know A Prick When I See One Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Deadpan Cactus Pun Greeting Card, You're A Prick Cactus Card

I'm No Cactus Expert But I Know A Prick When I See One Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
If I Throw A Stick Will You Leave? Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Dog Joke Deadpan Greeting Card, Frenemy, You Dog Card, Banter, Want You To Leave

If I Throw A Stick Will You Leave? Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
If Brothers Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Sibling, Nose Picking Joke, I Choose You, Love You Brother Card

If Brothers Were Bogies I'd Pick You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Of All The Weirdos On Grindr You're My Favourite Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Partner, Met On Grindr, LGBTQ+ Dating App

Of All The Weirdos On Grindr You're My Favourite Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
There's Nobody Else I'd Take The Bins Out For Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband Or Wife

There's Nobody Else I'd Take The Bins Out For Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Birthday P.S Please Stop Wearing Fake Tan In Bed Greeting Card | Deadpan, Dry Humour Birthday Card For Her, Fake Tan Wearer, Orange Sheets

Happy Birthday P.S Please Stop Wearing Fake Tan In Bed Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99
You Fucking Mug Mug | Deadpan, Dry Humour, Profanity Gift For Gullible Idiot, Sympathy, Breakup, Divorce, Mug Pun

You Fucking Mug Mug

£11.95

Tell them like it is with our fun range of mugs.

£11.95
After A Year Of Lockdowns And Social Distancing, I Can Safely Say It's Been A Blessing Not Having To See You Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Stay Away
from £3.99
Looking 60 Years Old Is Great... If You're 70 Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Grandparent, Parent, Friend, Sibling, Getting Old, Old Age Joke

Looking 60 Years Old Is Great... If You're 70 Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Merry Christmas. Now Let's Eat Until We Hate Ourselves! Greeting Card | Deadpan Christmas Card, Monochrome, Overeating At Christmas Joke

Merry Christmas. Now Let's Eat Until We Hate Ourselves! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Nope, Still A Ginger Twat! Greeting Card | Rude, Deadpan Card For Ginger Person, Red Head, Friend, Sibling, Man With Ginger Hair Illustration

Nope, Still A Ginger Twat! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Dad, Thanks For All The Free Food Greeting Card | Deadpan Father's Day Card, Funny Thank You Card For Dad, For Him

Dad, Thanks For All The Free Food Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You Stopped Satisfying Me Years Ago. Happy Valentine's. Greeting Card | Deadpan, Rude Valentine's Card In Red For Him, Her, Husband, Wife

You Stopped Satisfying Me Years Ago. Happy Valentine's. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
At Least You Can Say Christmas Made You Fat Greeting Card | Deadpan Christmas Card For Friends, Christmas Food Joke

At Least You Can Say Christmas Made You Fat Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Birthday To My Favourite Lesbian Greeting Card | Deadpan, LGBTQ+ Birthday Card For Friend

Happy Birthday To My Favourite Lesbian Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Birthday From Your Favourite Bisexual Greeting Card | Deadpan, LGBTQ+ Birthday Card For Friend

Happy Birthday From Your Favourite Bisexual Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Birthday From Your Favourite Gay Greeting Card | Deadpan, LGBTQ+ Birthday Card For Friend

Happy Birthday From Your Favourite Gay Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Birthday From Your Favourite Lesbian Greeting Card | Deadpan, LGBTQ+ Birthday Card For Friend

Happy Birthday From Your Favourite Lesbian Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
The Earth Is Dying And So Are You Greeting Card | Deadpan, Dry Humour, Rude Old Age Joke Birthday Card For Grandparent, Mum, Dad

The Earth Is Dying And So Are You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Your Fifties Have Now Expired. Greeting Card | Colourful, Blunt 60th, Deadpan Sixtieth Birthday Card For Sixty Year Old, Grandma, Grandad, Mum, Dad

Your Fifties Have Now Expired. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Your Forties Have Now Expired. Greeting Card | Colourful, Blunt 50th, Deadpan Fiftieth Birthday Card For Fifty Year Old, Brother, Sister, Mum, Dad, Friend

Your Forties Have Now Expired. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Your Twenties Have Now Expired. Greeting Card | Colourful, Blunt 30th, Deadpan Thirtieth Birthday Card For Thirty Year Old, Brother, Sister, Friend, Son, Daughter

Your Twenties Have Now Expired. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Obligatory Mother's Day Card.  Greeting Card | Deadpan, Dry Humour, Pink Card For Mum, Mother

Obligatory Mother's Day Card. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Here's To Another Shitty Year Ahead. Greeting Card | Pessimistic, Deadpan, Funny Happy New Year Card, Profanity

Here's To Another Shitty Year Ahead. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Good Luck You Fuck. Greeting Card | Deadpan, Rude, Profanity Funny Good Luck Card, New Job, You're Leaving, Retirement

Good Luck You Fuck. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You're Getting Married. Shit Just Got Real. Greeting Card | Rude, Funny, Profanity Wedding Card, Engagement

You're Getting Married. Shit Just Got Real. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Mother's Day From Your Greatest Accomplishment Greeting Card | Deadpan, Funny, Joke Mothers Day Card For Mum, Her

Happy Mother's Day From Your Greatest Accomplishment Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You're My Weirdo Greeting Card | Funny, Silly, Valentines Card For Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband, Wife, Anniversary, Love

You're My Weirdo Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Even Your Dog Thinks You're A Dick Mug | Rude, Funny, Profanity Gift For Dog Owner, Dog Lover, Puppies

Even Your Dog Thinks You're A Dick Mug

£11.95

Tell them like it is with our fun range of mugs.

£11.95
Carole Fuckin' Baskin Mug | Funny Gift For Tiger King Fan, Funny, Tiger King, Carole Baskin Birthday Gift

Carole Fuckin' Baskin Mug

£11.95

Tell them like it is with our fun range of mugs.

£11.95
Witch Please Tote | Funny Trick Or Treat Bag, Bitch Please Pun Halloween Tote, Witches, Hag

#witchplease Tote

£26.50

Hit the beach or the shops with our range of fun canvas tote bags. SIZE: 14" x 18.5"

£26.50
And Then There Was No Sleep Cushion | Deadpan New Baby Cushion, Funny Gift For New Parents, Monochrome, Nursery

And Then There Was No Sleep Cushion

£25.25

Brighten your home with our range of stuffed cushions. SIZE: 16" X 16"

£25.25
Hi I'm Vegan Apron | Deadpan Present For Vegan, Monochrome Vegan Apron, Veggie, Plant Based

Hi I'm Vegan Apron

£21.50

Tell them like it is with our range of canvas aprons.  SIZE: 25" X 35" 

£21.50
I'll Give You A Good Stuffing Apron | Funny, Deadpan Christmas Apron For Him, Stuffing Sex Joke

I'll Give You A Good Stuffing Apron

£21.50

Tell them like it is with our range of canvas aprons.  SIZE: 25" X 35" 

£21.50
If You Jingle My Bell I'll Give You A White Christmas Apron | Rude, Funny, Red Christmas Apron, Christmas Carol Inuendo

If You Jingle My Bell I'll Give You A White Christmas Apron

£21.50

Tell them like it is with our range of canvas aprons.  SIZE: 25" X 35" 

£21.50
Keep The Fuck Away Sticker | Funny Offensive Gifts For Friends, Monochrome, Profanity, Stay Away, Get Well Soon

Keep The Fuck Away Sticker

£3.65

Tell them like it is with these fun stickers.  SIZE: 3x4"

£3.65
You Really Are A Massive Cunt Sticker | Rude Sticker, Funny Sticker, Black And White Sticker, Offensive, Profanity

You Really Are A Massive Cunt Sticker

£3.65

Tell them like it is with these fun stickers.  SIZE: 3x4"

£3.65
Please Pass On Our Deepest Sympathies To Your New Neighbours Coaster | Gift For Couples Moving Out, Monochrome Drinks Mat, Housewarming, New Home

Please Pass On Our Deepest Sympathies To Your New Neighbours Coaster

£13.25

Tell them like it is with these fun coasters. SIZE: 4x4"

£13.25
Mum Thanks For Giving Me Small Tits Fridge Magnet | Funny Gifts For Mum, Thank You Gift For Mother, Mother's Day Gift, Small Boobs, Breasts

Mum Thanks For Giving Me Small Tits Magnet

£10.95

Tell them like it is with our fun magnets. SIZE: 4 x 4" square

£10.95
Get Well Soon Skiver Greeting Card | Funny Sympathy Card, Accident Card, Rude Get Well Soon Card

Get Well Soon Skiver Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99
Thanks For Nothing Greeting Card | Deadpan Thank You Card, Rude Thank You Card, Funny Thank You Card

Thanks For Nothing Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Now We're Even Greeting Card | Funny Thank You Card, Deadpan Thanks Card, Cheers, Gratitude, Monochrome

Now We're Even Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99