Deadpan Gifts

We challenge you to gift these items without cracking a smile. Lemon Loco offers a wide range of deadpan gifts, ranging from Mugs, Coasters, Magnets, Stickers, Notebooks, Cushions, Journals, Towels, Tote Bags & Aprons.

We also offer a collection of premium deadpan greeting cards which can be personalised and sent direct at no extra cost. Browse now to find your perfect gift today!

Your Knob Still Does The Job Happy Valentine's Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Valentine's Card For Husband, Boyfriend, Penis Still Works, Dick Joke

Your Knob Still Does The Job Happy Valentine's Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Have A Fucking Spectacular Divorce Greeting Card | Deadpan Divorce Card, Dry Humour Break-Up Card, Monochrome, Sympathy

Have A Fucking Spectacular Divorce Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99
Congratulations, You've Ruined Your Life Greeting Card | Funny New Baby Card, New Parents, Wedding Card, Just Gave Birth, Congratulations, Just Married

Congratulations, You've Ruined Your Life Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Let Us Fuck Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Let's Have Sex, Profanity, Blunt

Let Us Fuck Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Hate The Sound Of Your Breathing Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Husband, Wife, Contempt

I Hate The Sound Of Your Breathing Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Sometimes, I Wonder What It Would Be Like If You Were Dead Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Husband, Wife, Contempt

Sometimes, I Wonder What It Would Be Like If You Were Dead Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Let's Get Fat Together Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Love Card, Over Eat Together

Let's Get Fat Together Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
It's About Time You Shuffled Off Now, Old Timer Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Grandparent, Parent, Sibling, Getting Old, Old Age Joke

It's About Time You Shuffled Off Now, Old Timer Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Be Kind To Yourself Today Have A Wank Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Self Care, Masturbation, Look After Yourself

Be Kind To Yourself Today Have A Wank Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99
'Dad Bods' Only Work If You Were Good Looking In The First Place Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card For Him, Dad Bod Joke, Let Yourself Go

'Dad Bods' Only Work If You Were Good Looking In The First Place Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You Fucking Mug Greeting Card | Funny Sympathy Card, Sorry Card, Lost Job, Break Up, Gullible, Divorce, Slang, Sucker, Fool

You Fucking Mug Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99
You're Not A Hipster You're A Beard With An Idiot Hanging Off It Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Hipster Joke, Edgy

You're Not A Hipster You're A Beard With An Idiot Hanging Off It Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Let's Get Drunk And Eat Ourselves Into A Coma Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Friend, Congratulations, Celebration, Over Eat, Let's Party

Let's Get Drunk And Eat Ourselves Into A Coma Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
May Your Furlough Be Long And Vegetative Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Lockdown, At Home, Vegatative State, Boredom

May Your Furlough Be Long And Vegetative Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You Don't Half Talk Some Bullshit Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Profanity Card, Chat Shit, Compulsive Lier, Chatting Shit

You Don't Half Talk Some Bullshit Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
They Say 'If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say, Don't Say Anything At All'...Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Mean, Rude Monochrome Card

They Say 'If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say, Don't Say Anything At All'... Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Maybe We Should Just Stay Socially Distanced Forever Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Stay Away, Sarcasm I Miss You Card

Maybe We Should Just Stay Socially Distanced Forever Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Haven't Missed You Greeting Card | Deadpan Greeting Card, Stay Away, Sarcasm I Miss You Card

I Haven't Missed You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Time To Celebrate That Ting Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Friend, Congratulations, Celebration, Let's Party, Celebrate You

Time To Celebrate That Ting Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Our Time Together Has Been Tolerable Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Husband, Wife, Girlfriend, Boyfriend

Our Time Together Has Been Tolerable Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You'll Probably Make Terrible Parents, But It Will Be Fun To Watch Greeting Card | Funny New Baby Card For New Parents, Just Gave Birth, Congratulations

You'll Probably Make Terrible Parents, But It Will Be Fun To Watch Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I'm Sorry Your Newborn Has You For Parents Greeting Card | Funny New Baby Card, Joke New Parents Card, Just Gave Birth, Congratulations, You'll Be Bad Parents

I'm Sorry Your Newborn Has You For Parents Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Be Careful... Too Many Birthdays Will Kill You Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Grandparent, Parent, Sibling, Getting Old, Old Age Joke

Be Careful... Too Many Birthdays Will Kill You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Birthday... Not Many Left Now Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Grandparent, Parent, Friend, Sibling, Getting Old, Old Age Joke, Existential

Happy Birthday... Not Many Left Now Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Go Dark On Your Birthday Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Friend, Disappear, Stay Off Social Media, Unavailable

Go Dark On Your Birthday Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Your Knob Still Does The Job Happy Anniversary Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan Anniversary Card For Husband, Boyfriend, Penis Still Works, Dick Joke

Your Knob Still Does The Job Happy Anniversary Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Good Luck! You're Quite Thick So Don't Get Your Hopes Up! Greeting Card | Rude, Deadpan Good Luck Card, Dunce Cap Illustration, Stupid, Exams

Good Luck! You're Quite Thick So Don't Get Your Hopes Up! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Nope, Still An Old Fart! Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Deadpan Card For Parent, Grandparent, Zimmer Frame, Walking Aid Illustration, Old Age

Nope, Still An Old Fart! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Nope, Still A Wanker! Greeting Card | Rude, Offensive, Deadpan Card For Friend, Brother, Sister, Sibling, Wanker, Monochrome

Nope, Still A Wanker! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
One Day All Trace Of You Will Be Forgotten. Let's Do Something Stupid! Greeting Card | Deadpan Card For Friend, Reckless, Live For Today

One Day All Trace Of You Will Be Forgotten. Let's Do Something Stupid! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I'm Starting To Realise That Looking Up To You Might Have Been A Mistake... Happy Birthday Mum! Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Mother
from £3.99
I'm Starting To Realise That Looking Up To You Might Have Been A Mistake... Happy Birthday Bro! Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Brother
from £3.99
I'm Starting To Realise That Looking Up To You Might Have Been A Mistake... Happy Birthday Sis! Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Sister
from £3.99
At Least Your Age Is Starting To Catch Up With Your Face. Happy Birthday! Greeting Card | Deadpan Birthday Card For Parent, Old Age Joke

At Least Your Age Is Starting To Catch Up With Your Face. Happy Birthday! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Have Lost All Respect For You. Happy Birthday! Greeting Card | Deadpan, Rude Birthday Card, Lost Respect For Friend, For Partner, For Spouse

I Have Lost All Respect For You. Happy Birthday! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Hate What We Have Become. Happy Anniversary! Greeting Card | Deadpan Anniversary Card, For Husband, For Wife, For Girlfriend, For Boyfriend

I Hate What We Have Become. Happy Anniversary! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
It Is Now No Longer Financially Viable For Us To Break Up. Happy Anniversary! Greeting Card | Deadpan Anniversary Card, For Husband, For Wife

It Is Now No Longer Financially Viable For Us To Break Up. Happy Anniversary! Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Dad, Thanks For All The Free Food Greeting Card | Deadpan Father's Day Card, Funny Thank You Card For Dad, For Him

Dad, Thanks For All The Free Food Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Dad, Thanks For Wiping My Bum Greeting Card | Deadpan Father's Day Card, Funny Thank You Card For Dad, For Him, Nappy Change Joke

Dad, Thanks For Wiping My Bum Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Dad, Thanks For Being My Taxi Greeting Card | Deadpan Father's Day Card, Funny Thank You Card For Dad, For Him

Dad, Thanks For Being My Taxi Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Don't Get Any Ideas You're Getting A Handjob At Best. Happy Valentine's. Greeting Card | Deadpan, Rude Valentine's Card In Red For Him, Husband, Boyfriend

Don't Get Any Ideas You're Getting A Handjob At Best. Happy Valentine's. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
I Have Lost All Respect For You. HB. Greeting Card | Deadpan, Dry Humour Birthday Card In Orange For Husband, Wife, Lost Respect

I Have Lost All Respect For You. HB. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards.

from £3.99
Together We Can Destroy Christmas Greeting Card | Deadpan Christmas Card For Friends, Bah Humbug, Christmas Haters

Together We Can Destroy Christmas Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Your Constant Joy Is Starting To Encroach On My Abject Misery Greeting Card | Deadpan, Pessimistic Congratulations Card, Engagement, New Job, Jealousy

Your Constant Joy Is Starting To Encroach On My Abject Misery Greeting Card

from £3.99

Put a smile on their face with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
The Earth Is Dying And So Are You Greeting Card | Deadpan, Dry Humour, Rude Old Age Joke Birthday Card For Grandparent, Mum, Dad

The Earth Is Dying And So Are You Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
You're My Type On Paper. Greeting Card | Deadpan Valentine's Card In Red For Him, Her, Crush, Love, Be My Valentine

You're My Type On Paper. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Happy Father's Day From Your Greatest Accomplishment. Greeting Card | Funny, Deadpan, Joke Father's Day Card For Dad, Him

Happy Father's Day From Your Greatest Accomplishment. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99
Fuck You're Old. Greeting Card | Offensive, Rude, Funny, Deadpan, Profanity Birthday Card, Age Joke

Fuck You're Old. Greeting Card

from £3.99

Tell them like it is with our fun greeting cards. 

from £3.99